I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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