Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
