rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
