He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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