I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
