Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
