i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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