never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
