Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
