my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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