Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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