um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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