Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
