do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
