You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
