Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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