how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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