her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
