I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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