whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
