One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
