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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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• (607): View more from New York

  im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

  (607): View more from New York

  way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party

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• (619): View more from California

  After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...

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• (585): View more from New York

  Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina

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• (607): View more from New York

  I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Your mankini haunted my dreams.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.

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