we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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