I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
