It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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