I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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