genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
