Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
