i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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