ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
