I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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