woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
