you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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