I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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