New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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