if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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