I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
