You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
