Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
the raccoons are back...
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