It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
