im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
