i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
