i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
