lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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