It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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