where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
