I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
