her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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