i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
