when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
