thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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