Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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