i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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