after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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