We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
