in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
