It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
