no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need water and some morals
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