i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
