What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
