Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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