the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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