is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My underwear smells like fireworks.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Blow job season was short but glorious.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
