apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
