Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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