i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
