At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He shit in the fireplace
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
