yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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