Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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