what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
