Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
