you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
