I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
