The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
